According to a government source speaking in confidence with MMW on Friday morning, violations of the Telephone Consumer Protection Act (TCPA) by mobile marketers will now result in an automatic death sentence.
Knowledgeable sources tell us that the FCC has hired Steven Seagal, along with hundreds of highly-trained stealthy ninjas to carry out the swift and irrevocable execution sentences.
“Let’s face it, when a consumer gets a marketing text that they didn’t sign up for, they want to kill you. We’re just doing the job for them,” a government official who refuses to be named in light of the sensitive subject matter tells MMW.
MMW has learned that ninjas have already been deployed across the U.S. and stand ready to bring justice to countless unscrupulous mobile marketers who have spammed one too many smartphones.
“The TCPA ninjas, led by Mr. Seagal, are extremely well trained,” the government official tells us. “Collateral damage should be minimal.”
There’s no word on how many non-compliant mobile marketers have already been sent on their way to an eternal dirt nap, but for those who continue to violate the TCPA, justice is coming. And there’s no way to opt-out.
Steven Seagal was asked for comment, but he spoke so quietly we couldn’t make out a single word. However, he and his pony tail looked super serious.
The bottom line? Make sure your mobile marketing is compliant, or you’ll find yourself marked for death, and on deadly ground, and… [insert another Steven Seagal movie title here].
And from all of us here at Mobile Marketing Watch, happy April Fool’s Day!